I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
