thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
