Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
