I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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