Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
