This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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