I accidentally burped into my bong.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just had sex on a roof
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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