Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
