I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
