i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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