I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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