I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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