Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
