peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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