What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
