i just wanna soil my oats bro
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
