I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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