My liver just broke up with me...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The beer is more important than you right now.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
