Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
