my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
