So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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