I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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