i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's rum buckets o'clock
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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