I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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