Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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