i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My bed smells like the plague
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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