after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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