who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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