Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
