if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
