puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We are all done wearing pants today
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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