she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
