Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
