you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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