There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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