Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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