So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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