I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
