i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
