Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
