Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
