all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
