for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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