no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
