dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
