By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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