We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
