There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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