Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
