listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You should frame my arrest warrant.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
