Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
