so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
