living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
