I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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