I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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