im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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