I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
