What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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