as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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