thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
