I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
